i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
