Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
