took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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