Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
