waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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