Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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