Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
