When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
