he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
