watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
