belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
