I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize