I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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