so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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