Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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