I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
