guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
