I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
