i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
