If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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