he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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