Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
