you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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