As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
