your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
