do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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