In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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