1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
