I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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