So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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