i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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