she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
