I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
