tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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