Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
