it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They took my balls.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
