i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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