Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
