I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
