Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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