Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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