Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
