just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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