I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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