I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
