Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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