Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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