She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
