I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
