Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
