i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
