Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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