addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
