Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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