Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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