Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
