On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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