Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
