Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
