Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
