Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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