you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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