after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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