Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
