so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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