I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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