mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
