I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My liver just broke up with me...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
