Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
