What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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