Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
